i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
