Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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