I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
