I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
