K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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