Don't make out with my wife yet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
