How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
