Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
