she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
