What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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