soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
