Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
