nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
