TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
