So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
