Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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