the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
