Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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