I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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