Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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