It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The best revenge is premature balding
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
