why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
