meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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