I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
