Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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