kristin has been a bad kristin
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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