i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
