So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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