And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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