I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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