My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
