Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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