please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
