Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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