just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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