My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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