Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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