Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My vagina is officially offended.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
