hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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