The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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