I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
