Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
