once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
