In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
