The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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