I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
