Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
