We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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