In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had to coat check the pizza.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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