if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
