Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
