i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
