i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
