Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize