ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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