Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
