Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
