Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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