just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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