Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
