i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
