I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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