I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So much rum. So many feels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
