you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
