your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
