I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
