So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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