I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize