Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
smell my finger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
