dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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