you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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