Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
