I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
