i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
